Physical Education

 A cowardly boxer is asked, "Who are you fighting next?"

He points to his opponent and says, "With my master here."

Dreamcatcher Dog

 A cowardly hunter dreams he is being chased by a bear all night, so he buys some dogs to sleep with him.

Any Port in a Storm

 A coward is asked, "Which is safer, a long ship or a round ship?"

He replies, "A beached ship."

Won by a Hair's Breadth

 An incompetent astrologer who was captured in battle announces "I'm a soothsayer!"

Before a battle against their enemies, he tells them, "You will defeat them in battle, if they don't steal the hairs on the back of your heads on the front lines."

Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

 An incompetent astrologer pontificates to a customer, "you will never beget any descendents."

He replies "I have seven children," and the astrologer replies, "Then enjoy your time with them."

Defying Fate

 An incompetent astrologer's customer asks when his rival will have returned from abroad. He replies that the rival has not returned.

A time later, the astrologer learns the man already returned, and says, "None are as shameless as he!"

Scrying and Crying

An incompetent astrologer soothsays for a newborn, saying, "He will be a rhetor, then an eparch, then a hegemon."

Soon after, the child's mother approaches and demands the fee back, saying, "You said he would be a speaker and a leader and a ruler, but now he's dead!"

He replies, "I swear on my soul, had he lived, all that would have happened!"